I spend a lot of time, energy, and focus on my interiority. It’s important to me. It’s how I’m wired. I’ve come to honor and accept it.
My interiority occupies more head and heart space than my exteriority.
Part of this is my classic, born-with, Type-A personality-outgoing, driven, motivated, ambitious, rigidly organized, status-conscious, competitive, impatient, proactive. (note-Enneagram Type Three or ENFJ on Meyers-Briggs)
Part of this is my nurtured, developed, seeker-heart, desperate to leave the world a better place than when I arrived.
This drive and push in me, which never really rests, has little to do with belief or non-belief.
I spent the first part of my faith journey, as a believer, and Christ-follower, trying to figure out, how God became man
Now, in the very same journey, with equal fervor and fire, as a non-believer, and humanist, I’m trying to figure out how a man became God. Hmmm?
The issue, moving and meandering through life, with a seeker’s heart, is that there is a never-ending docket of rivers to navigate, mountains to climb, frontiers to cross, paths to explore, identities to reinvent, conversations to challenge, philosophies to adopt, lifestyle to test, love to conquer.
The whole process, while honorable and virtuous, is, at the same time, taxing, burdensome, exhausting.
I see, with my eyes, the pretty bouquet of roses, before me, but their aroma doesn’t always reach my nostrils.
I can’t speak for everyone like myself, but, for me, in my seeking and searching to be more, see more, do more, feel more, love more, ascend more, find more, I forget to acknowledge and appreciate, the small progress I’ve made in many of these herculean, self-help categories, I’ve already traversed.
Today, I don’t seek but smell.
Today, I simply celebrate the milestones and markers of this journey.
In a few weeks, with my stuff almost packed (typical Type-A), I’ll begin, in my 2017, orange, Jeep Renegade, my road-tripping experience to the Southwest.
I’m quite certain that, over the course of a month on the road, I’ll be constantly staring at the abyss of my thoughts and feelings, and do my share of deep, emotional, mental, and spiritual seeking and searching. For sure. Can’t wait.
But, until then, I’m going to take a break from the depth and focus on breadth-movies, bike-riding, conversations, dating, catch-up reading, journaling, family time, eating, cooking, napping, enjoying some long soaker-baths, a sip, a taste, a puff.
Click
Jack
