I suck at ending relationships. I really do. I hate it. I’m horrible at it. It’s tricky and sticky.
It is so not my nature to do it well.
I’m so much more comfortable and confident beginning relationships, than ending them.
How do you rightly and practically, honor the memory of an old lover, yet move on to a new lover?
If you are anything, at all, like me, you invest a lot in relationships.
And, likely, expect the same in return.
I guess saying goodbye to a lover is an inevitable part of modern life?
In today’s age, we seem to change lovers like we change outfits.
You invest time, energy, emotion, romance, all of you, into all of someone else, then, like overnight, it’s gone. Poof. And you have to begin the process, all over again, in the same arduous and laborious way, with someone new.
Gulp. Sigh. Arghhhh.
Sure, new relations and new beginnings, are potential, both tantalizing and titillating, once you get past, way past, the early awkward and self-conscious stages. But it takes work, lots of work.
I’m been thinking much lately about why saying goodbye is so emotionally hard for me.
One, as I have written about here before, I’m a traditional monogamist-one partner at a time.
I’m in a relationship for long-term chemistry and intimacy, not just short-term moans and groans.
Two, I’m a loyalist. Once in a relationship, I’m loyal to it, fiercely loyal.
I’m all about that person and I want that person to be all about me.
I have several dear friends, who are polyamorous-engaged with multiple romantic (typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved. Personally, I can’t even imagine this for myself.
Again, the way my simple brain works is to show and shower love, completely and totally, with and toward one, single lover at a time.
Given what you know about me, I hope you won’t harshly judge me when you learn that I’ve been very and deeply involved, over the years, in many short-term, invested relationships, that I’ve had to say goodbye to.
I’m facing a transitional relationship right now, as we speak. And it’s awkward as hell.
It never gets easy. Ever.
I know the relationship, I’m currently in, is, for all practical purposes, over. But I can’t seem to move past it. I’m struggling.
I’m talking about leaving my iPhone 12 Pro Max for an iPhone 13 Pro Max. (gotcha:))
I’ve had an iPhone 13 Pro Max every since they came out. But there she sits, on my shelf, in the factory box, still wrapped up. She’s lived with me, for over a month now, and I haven’t even touched her yet. I guess I’m trying to find just the right time to say goodbye to my old girlfriend first, thank her for the memories, and move on.
While I am, obviously, being somewhat dramatic here, about my intimate relationships with my iPhone cameras, there is a part of this story that is no joke at all.
Every Fall season, when I upgrade my iPhone camera, I sincerely feel like I’m cheating on a girlfriend.
It takes me a good month or so to gradually transition to a new device. It really does. It’s just the way I’m wired.
Monogamy. Loyalty. Intimacy.
The truth is, there is no easy way to leave your lover.
You just gotta do it.
You just slip out the back, Jack.
Just get yourself free.
Click.
Jack
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover
Paul SimonThe problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said, it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooh, slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said, why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight?
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Oh, you hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
